Moratorium

Moratorium: a temporary prohibition of an activity; the psycho-social reassessment of one's position and belonging to that which makes one individual.


We have all seen enough of the world as it pertains to us to know that we are alive, we are members.
And yet in light of all of that experience there still remains the question:

Why do we belong?

Whenever I find myself in contemplation of this question I must admit I usually try to think of something, anything else.
Not because I am afraid of the answer.
Rather because I am aware of the great responsibility I will take on in a time when I feel so wary of the notion of having to be or know and accept that which makes me just as human as anyone with whom I may come into contact.

I feel in a way that my unique specialty, my sui generis is a beautiful burden.
And unlike the time-tried concept of The Pilgrim's Progress it is by no means a burden I wish to lay at the foot of a cross.
I wish to carry it, to build it, to inflate it.

And with the increasing weight of my carried person I will feel pressed into the Earth to which I feel such an ultimate sense of family.
It is indeed the dust from which I birth.
And the dust to which I shall return.
Or at least my body.

This year has offered me the wonderful opportunity to see just what this weight will mean to me when I am without the moors I have until this point depended upon as a means of holding to the safety of the familiar.
And with this offer I accept a certain amount of increased opportunity, increased weight.

What makes this year in particular so special?
What makes this concept of my burden so renewed in its glory?

The answer has yet to fully unfold itself and yet in its mystery I see the blurred outlines of something so much longer lasting than large tips and comfortable apartments.

Whenever I look up at Orion and smile to myself at his protection I see myself in the twinkling of his belt, the sharp edge of his sword, the majesty of his regal form.
And it is now that I see more than ever that I have the potential to be Orion.

I will be a fierce and determined guidon to myself and to those who look to me as anything more than an entertainment.