Horse and Home

It's been quite some time since I've not been able to fall asleep.

This is of course something for which I am incredibly grateful considering how much I enjoy the occasionally rested feeling I get from sleeping a full night.

Tonight, however, seems to have slipped away from me like a wild horse too quick to be harnessed. It's 6am and here I am in the living room with the company of a single lightbulb and far too many thoughts.

In the two years since climbing on that airplane and utterly dismantling my life at large I've been known to have quite a few 6am moments like this. The primary difference (which I am all too happy to report) is that, in the past, these moments have been riddled with an insurmountable worry. For the moment I am in total calm despite the still present worrying (what can I say, it's in my blood).

While I think of the need to find an apartment, to make more money, to save for bigger and better adventures I am finally permitted to look around and love the life I have. There is love, there is joy, there is chance and spontaneity, there is art and there is freedom.

Truthfully, I couldn't ask for more without beginning to feel like a glutton.

Sure, there will always be more that a part of me will want. That's my role as a middle class white boy. However I am now in an authoritative place of dominion over that wanting. The roles have switched and I am now holding the reigns.

So while the black horse of a restful night's sleep may be off and away, at least I know that the steed of contentment stands loyally by my side.